...in my perspective, it's the coldest day of the year

I have had quite a bit on my mind today...I think it must be the cold bitter winds that are awakening my mind. Of course, it is more than likely the Holy spirit. :P
For those of you who have never read my blog, I want to tell you that I'm in school right now. I'm majoring in Intercultural studies and minoring in TESOL. My idea is to become a missionary, but I'm still a little vague how to go about it.
Anyway, my thoughts today have been very scattered. I've thought a lot about my life devoted to Christ and how truly sincere I am about it. Have I given over everything to Him? I've thought about one of my best friends whose from Germany. I talked to her last night before she slept to prepare for her long flight to the US to finish her schooling. We talked about her recent missions trip, her break in Germany during Christmas, her steps and dreams for after school, and her anticipation for finishing school soon. It was great talking to her again. I have missed her a lot. But our talk sparked something in me. It opened up my eyes to ideas and concepts I haven't thought about as far as going into missions. Now don't start assuming, still very much want to go into missions, but like I said earlier-how?


As I've progressed through out the day, I've been tormented with thoughts that maybe I'm not in the right major. I want to do Bible translation, so I wasn't sure if perhaps I was supposed to be in Bible/Theology. I also want to be involved in church-planting. But my minor is TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) so that I can have some kind of tent-making skill to get me into countries. A while back, when I was still living on the ship Logos II, a speaker came to talk to us during a week of rest. (Sabbath Week) This speaker, Andrew Savage, brought to our attention the great need in the world for missionaries. Now, I knew some of that, butg I wasn't clear as to the extent. When he started explaining that there were people who went to different countries to translate Bibles in the people's native tongue, I became super excited. I was even more encouraged every day that he spoke. He showed us a video of horses that had been trapped on a small stretch of land because of flooding. These horses were drowning themselves trying to get to higher land. The only way that they could be saved was if people actually rode a different horse onto the narrow strip of land that barely flooded. The horses were blinded, they had no way fo knowing which way was the right way to go. But eventually all 100 horses were saved. He then went on to explain that the people groups in the world out there that don't know Jesus are like those horses. It sparked a fire in me to be a part of saving those horses. I don't want to sit on the sidelines, I want to be directly involved with these "horses."


That being said, I know that I want to start in one country, get to know and love the people, evangelize, plant churches and prepare them to plant churches and then move on to another country. That is, of course, all of this vision MUST be lead by the Holy Spirit. I cannot do this on my own. I know that. But besides working alongside Christ, I feel that I need a group of devoted people who have the same passion and desire. I mean, who knows maybe I'll just join some organization that has the same dream, but I don't know. Only God knows what my heart truly desires and what will glorify Him the best.


So that was only one thought.


Another big thought, is whether or not I should tell my Logos II story in SMF. I mean, I know that this a relatively small decision, but to me it requires a lot of deep thinking. That's an entire two years of my life that I have to summarize. I also want to make sure that I'm not just saying words, but rather that the Holy Spirit is using me to actually spark something in people. Every time I think hard about what all this little presentation entails, my stomach flips upside down and I'm nervous. Why? I don't know. I never done very well with speeches or presentations. I do do supremely well when I'm acting or singing in a group, but I guess the thought of being on stage alone frightens me. I don't know.


Next thought...


A friend of mine recently has been asking me a lot of questions and last night asked if I wanted to join him and another person to consult someone else....ahhh! I don't know. Part of me says, "Sure, that's be fine." But the other part of me says, "No! God has this in His hands and He knows exactly what needs to happen and I don't see how I could do anything at this point." Well, there's more to be said, but it will not be said. Anyway, it's been pressing on my heart.


Final thought....(I think)


A couple of my friends have recently mentioned that I'm not using my voice to its max potential. I do just fine singing and belting it out in my room, but I guess I haven't been doing that in Ensemble. (my choir group) This concerns me. First of all, because I know that I can sing better than that. Second because God has gifted me with this voice and if I'm not singing as well as I could then I'm not reallt being a good steward of what the Lord has given me. How can I change that? So we'll see what happens today in choir.


Another thought...(I was wrong) (I said I wasn't sure)


Lately, a friend of mine and I have been contemplating a lot the whole "being single" idea. I know that if I'm not satisfied in Christ, I will search out other means to "fill" me. I know that nothing besides Christ can actually fill me, but it's not that easy. It's a transforming of my mind constantly. Okay, so I was talking to her last night and I brought out my journal that I've been writing to my future husband. I knew that there was an entry that dealt specifically with liking guys and being satisfied to let God take care of bringing my husband to me. So I reread it and I was re-enlightened. I have truly decided to step back from guys and "pursuing" them. But rather I will continue waiting. I'd like to share part of the entry. Don't worry there's nothing personal in it. I'm not that stupid. (This was a conversation I had with another girl, but it's good advice for how guys should act toward women of God. This generally what she covered.)

"Is he a born again Christian? That's the first check point. Find out if he's on fire for God. Depending on your answer you will know what to do with that feeling starting to spring up. Don't look for it, it falls from the sky when you least expect it. If your eyes are on Jesus that's what will attract a God-fearing man. Pray and wait to see what God does. Ask God for the green light to start liking him...then, if God says yes, just pray, get to know him and wait for him to make a move. If he doesn't, too bad for him, he's blind! Remember, God has the best in store for you! Not second best, but THE best. Just make sure he corresponds to what God has placed in your heart...find out more about him and if he does match up to your desire for a future husband...consider praying and asking God for further confirmation, but if not, don't waste time. You must know what you want, the vision you have for the future, ministry, gifts, how you see yourself as a wife...don't compromise anything."


Now, THAT is the end of my deep thoughts for the day...okay, maybe, but I won't put them on here.