My Old Man

How does this always happen? This man….so sly….so ready to pounce, is lurking in my every shadow. Stalking me almost every moment of the day; I can’t get away. If I don’t protect myself my old man will watch me with anticipation and at the right moment grab for my throat. After he leaves again, I find myself on the floor wondering how it happened again….left helpless and weak. How do I not notice that his cold presence is hovering over me? His choke hold is like ice to the touch and it’s only after he’s choked me that I feel the pain. Just when I think my heart has learned to guard and call for help, my old man is at my door again…hiding under my bed…ready at any moment to destroy the moment of peace. I cannot take it. My heart aches and long to kill him. With every muscle in my body I try to pull myself out of the clutches he has me in, but alas….he always prevails. I cannot do this. I will call Someone for help. He is the only one that I know can actually rescue me from the attack the moment it happens. He knows my old man to a tee. He watches him more than my old man watches me. Someone is always there and will always help me. But He only helps if I ask Him for help otherwise…He sees it as my choice to let my old man choke me once again. He knows that I know that He is the only way I can be free of my old man. I will call on His name. Help me, Lord! I cannot fight him on my own strength. I know that You will hear my plea. Destroy my old man who desires to kill me everyday!

Playing the part of Jake, but wanting to play Karen

Jake Smith, the lead male character in my novel, has his heart set on falling in love. Karen, my lead female character, has just lost her boyfriend and is falling in love with God. Over the past two days, my heart has become unsatisfied. It's been much more than a year since I broke up with...and I'm really wanting that again. A couple of nights in a row I've had dreams about my last boyfriend. The first one, he came back to me and said that he was sorry he ever left me...and he really wanted me back. I logically questioned about his wife, what about her? He said that she didn't matter. Well, in the dream my heart wanted a relationship again, but I didn't want him. My heart was not willing to take him back. I was glad for that dream. But the second dream he and I were dating, there was no wife, and I was happy. Ugh! First of all, I have not been thinking about him, nor do I want to. Second of all, the first dream was right. Even if he left his wife, which he wouldn't, I wouldn't want him back in my life.
But I want someone.
So I come to this conclusion...it's funny that I have been working on my novel, because ultimately the story is about someone who wants to fall in love and does, but not the way he expects. I guess then the only thing I can say is that God is asking me to continue to be content in singleness.
Why now though? I've been fine being single for quite some time. But now my heart longs for someone to hold it? Ugh! The Bible is right, who can know the heart? :(

Christmas break...part II

Okay, so Rosie and I got on the wrong highway...and we realized it but only after we had gone a ways. It took us another 22 miles to get back where we needed to be. Once we were on the right highway, I noticed that I was starting to feel really sleepy. In fact, I was falling asleep at the wheel. Before I could even let Rosie know how I was feeling..I pulled off onto the shoulder and told her that she was gonna drive. At first she thought that I was going off the road...ha ha ha. So she hopped in on the driver's side and got ready to pull back onto the highway. Well, I had wedged us into a snow/ice bank. We burned rubber for a little bit and then I decided to get out and try to push as best I could. We did this for about 15 mins and then finally we were free. I thanked God and hopped into the car. After I shut the door and put my seat belt back on, I realized we were still stuck. Rosie messed with it for a little bit. I asked her if I needed to get out again and she said no. We did get free and I thanked God again. From then on, it was smooth and fast sailing. And I was late to work which my boss was not happy about.
After work was finished...Rosie picked me up and said that Josh had wanted to go out to eat tonight. So we went to Asian Buffett. It was wonderful. Then I took them to the Seeman's house and we all watched The Island. That was a pretty good movie. Rosie spent the night and the next morning we got up and did it again. Except this time we got up earlier and we took Josh and Mindy to Moline, IL. Rae has a small car and we had to fit four people into this car with almost the luggage of four people. :P
We got there pretty much with no hiccups or problems and drove back with me not being late for work again. :D
The next day, I wasn't working and I had to take Rosie to the airport. (That would be the last of the friends that I would have to say good-bye to.) That day was crazy as well. She hung out school preparing to go all day while I did other things, but when we got to the aiport, they told us that it was delayed. We decided to go spend more time together and eat a nice lunch at Applebees. After we had already gotten our drinks and ordered our food and just gotten our appettitzers, Rosie got a call from the airport saying that her plane was actually changed because of the delay. So...she needed to be there NOWWWWW!!!! Yeah...it was fun. Rosie said, "We live life on the edge." Because this was the second time now that we had to order food and bolt out the door because of untold circumstances. :P
So, we got there and they didn't need her still for another 45 mins. :P Back and forth. We grabbed our food and ate it in the miniscule airport. We said our good-byes and parted ways. Hers-the air...and mine a fast lane to the Seeman's. :D

Okay, so the rest thus far has been pretty normal and I don't care to report any of it. I worked, worked some more and then worked again.
Then tonight...I got off work at six and I decided to relax. I'm now at Panera eating soup in a bread bowl, drinking green apple Jones Soda and connected to the Babboon Train.(the internet for those of you who don't have Lange as a teacher...poor you!) *choo!!! choo!!!!!!!* :D

Christmas break!!!

I must say that the past three days have been absolutely crazy...but soooooo much fun. Let's see, I finished my last day of school on the 12th. I don't remember that day very well anymore. I do remember thinking that I didn't know what to do with myself. Amber, one of my close friends, left on that day and I didn't even get to say goodbye. Wow, I really don't remember that day very well. I'm trying and I can't remember what happened. Anyway, I know that the next day I drove Rae, another one of my close friends, to the airport so that she could fly to New York. That was a crazy day. Rosie, another close friend, came with me, so that there would be two drivers..which turned out to be really helpful later. Okay, so we dropped Rae off and waved goodbye as she finished going through security check. Rosie and I were hungry since it was nine o'clock and we had been up since 6. We grabbed breakfast at Panera and then hopped in the car. I knew that I was going to be late for work...but I wanted to see if I could race time anyway. Well, despite the fact that we were using the GPS, I got on the wrong highway.

I'll the story at a cliffhanger...cause I have to go pick up the car from it's check-up. :D

Croatia